Since No One Reads This..

I can tell my new secret...

I..am..engaged.

I am still trying to wrap my little brain around this. There was surprise, one knee, a ring, a little speech that I pretty much missed because I was too busy staring in shock. I don't know where the shock came from. It's not like I did not know to expect it. Just.... not now.

We have spoken about it, probably for months. We pretty much have our 'wedding' planned out because neither of us want a big affair; I hate the attention and this is G's second marraige.

Married. Holy shhhh.. I really am a little freaked out. I know he wanted to talk to my Dad before hand, but being as this weekend was jammed, and any time we weren;t surrounded by family, he was sleeping...the talk didnt happen.

You can blame me. We have a bit of a long time 'joke', if you will. Involving what I call shinies. G does a great job with jewelry, and it is almost always something with some sort of shiny stone. thus... shinies. I had gotten my dander up and had spent the past few weeks joking about shinies. Then just before the wedding weekend, he had been excited with his savings of recent. I had told him he could buy me a pretty, fun gift...I was expecting something like silly jammies or a candy necklace. More jokes. The night of the ring, I was being a nag. I wanted to know what was my present?! Had be brought me sand from the beach? whhhaaat. Eventually he dropped to the knee.

I don;t know if my dad is happy or not. He seemed confused. As if I did not know that a diamond ring generally leads to a wedding band and all of that. Did he think he raised a fool. I know I am his baby, but in fact I am OLDER than my sister was when she was married. And it's not like I plan to go out and get married next week.

G spilled the beans to my sisters. I really did not want to tell anyone until after the wedding weekend. I didn't want to steal the spotlight from the bride and groom. Instead I was ambushed in the bathroom by them. I tried to make it clear I was not wearing a ring because I have fatty fingers and needed it sized. I was not telling them first, because i wanted to wait a few days. My dad hasnt mentioned it since. I guess he is waiting for G to hop on a plane back to work before he corners me. I have to say, I am NOT looking forward. He has a way of stewing, cornering and totally overlooking the facts. He sees: I am youngish, I havent been spouting love letters and wedding talk (with HIM) and I am SURE he has a million opinions. At least my sisters seemed happy.

It bums me that he might rain on my parade; I have not even told anyone yet because I wanted him to be first. It bums me out that he knows it will be hard enough without my mom, let alone having him be displeased for reasons that don;t make sense. It bums me out to see the looks of pleasure on his face when my sister's told him. Neither if THEIR men even bothered to talk things over with him. At least G wanted to try, he made the effort and still insisted on telling him face to face man to man, before anyone else.

So. EEEEK

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Dancing Queen

I have always been a wierd sleeper.

As a child I could sleep anywhere anytime if I was tired. Regardless of the tempeture, cushioning and sounds around me. A specific example of this being about 9 yrs old at my dad's friend's house while they watched a big pay per view boxing match. I feel asleep infront of a big screen tv, surround sound and about 15 yelling men. Did not even phase me.

As I got a little older sleeping became harder. I would lay around for hours not sleeping but once I hit tht sleep mode nothing could wake me up. 15 years old, mini tornado tour of the steeple of a church less than 1 mile from my home. My parents actually packed up and moved into the basement and left me because I would not wake up.

Now, I hardly sleep. There are nights I don't even start to feel tired until 4 or 5 in the morning. my doctor tried sleep tests and sleeping pills. He recvently convinced me that I should take the sample he had with 2 in it.

I took one tonight and i feel like I am losing it. my concentration is out the door. But I am still not tired. juist extremely wierd. It is hard to explain except it feels like all the cellls in my body are dancing , while myself as a whole is swimming throuigh thickened air.

I think i wont take these again. good night.

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Ho Hum

Nothing out of the ordinary today. Well that's not really true is it? I slept till 1pm today, which was... different. I also cheated on the eating healthy. I found this amazing smelling garlic herb roll. I added a teaspoon of riccotta cheese and sprinkle of garlic, oregano and mozarella to each. Popped it in the toaster. Yummmmms.

Other than that I just relaxed all day and mooned over the obviously rain-ready weather. Why is it the days I am most busy are ther days it is most nice out. I really would love to sit in the sun.

So, today I am boring. Doing laundry and chatting with G <3

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Fridayness

I am trying really hard to eat healthier. It might be too little too late for my weight. But, I am still trying. For lunch today I had a small salad with a light vinegar dressing I make at home:

-Balsamic vinegar
-SMALL drop of fat free peanut butter
-small amount of extra virgin olive oil.

Whisk and adjust to taste. If you like a bitter sweet dressing, skip the peanut butter and add a half a packet of splenda, or your prefered sweetener.

I also took a small chicken breast. I sliced it thinly, and steamed it. No butter, no seasonings. I then added a quater of that to my salad. As a treat for myself I gave myself 5 baby carrot sticks and a table spoon of a spinach dip I made a few days ago. The spinach dip isnt really great for you but it's a little something to keep me from feeling like i am being deprived!

-2 cups chopped spanish;washed and drained.
-1/2 cup fat free mayo
-16 oz of fat free sour cream
-1 package of nors vegetable dip

Generally this is an appetizer served in a hollowed out bread bowl. Then one would fan out veggies, and bagel chips to dip with. However if u just make the dip, you will have a TON. If it is just you eating it, I find making half of that recipe is good. You will stil have PLENTY of dip, enough to last at least a week.

To drink i substituted my normal green tea for an acai and pomegranate juice I bought at the health store yesterday. It is a bit sweet for my taste. I poured half a serving into a glass with 8 oz of water as well. It diluted it enough to make it a refreshing juice drink. I only bought a small bottle which has 11.5 oz, 2 servings. So only use a quater of that bottle!

I feel a lot better which is good. And as much as my body is craving salty, chocolate-y goodness. I am not giving in as baddly as I would in the past. I found a bad of left over chocolates and am allowing myself one every other day.

While I am feeling better, my period if throwing me for a loop. I supose it is all those months of not having one! Spring cleaning , haha. I went to the mall yesterday wearing the normal tampon and pad for backup. I came armed with 2 other tampons 'just in case'. I spent a total of 3 hours shopping between the mall and a few random shops, plus groceries. I went through everything I had. Thank god for the pad! I ended up buying heavier duty everythings becasue I got nervous. By the time I got home I was tired, achey and the excessive bleeding was finally stopping. I have NEVER had it that baddly before. I was a little scared. It seemed to be better this morning. So, fingers crossed!

Happy Weekend Lovelies. One week and counting until my baby is home and my cousins weekend wedding!!

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Wednesday

Well, after nearly 4 months of no period. I finally got it.

I am usually late/never get it for months. My longest was 6 months.

I took a pregnancy test after my second skipped period because I had a lot of wierdness going on. Weight gain, even with eating less and exercising more, breast swelled a little. I was cranky, tired and my stomach always felt sour. I thought... I don't know, Maybe?

I want to me a mom, and I know with some medical issues, that it would be hard. I thought with everything going on it could be stress, or a flair of PCOS, which would be sad and sucky. Saddly I think it was the latter.

Glen and I have talked about kids. Given our age difference, we both agree that we don't want to end up like my parents. While my mom was 30 when she had me, my dad was 42. By the time I was graduating highschool and ready to see the world, he was getting ready to retire.

Obviously we both agree that we would prefer to be married and settled before we have kids, if it happened, neither of us would look upon it as a bad thing. I think in the back of my mind, with my sister losing her 7 yr old, then both sisters having miscarried a few times,and losing mom... I guess I kind of hoped for a bit of a shining light. Oh well.

I am bleeding really heavy today, which is ok I guess. I just feel crampy and tired. It also explains my wild mood swings the past few weeks.I have to wear a pad because I am bleeding right through the tampons during the heaviest times. It is pretty gross. I feel kinda sad though. It is hard to explain. I mean, I knew I was not pregnant after I took my little pee stick test, But still.

Anyway, In lighter news, Scott and Nicole are getting married next week. I a super excited. I am also strongly ignoring the fact that I will have to stand up infront of all my friends and family and READ. It makes me nervous to my core. I have issues standing up in front of people I won;t care if they judge me. But this... this is scary. Being the first reader I set the low bar for everyone to jump over, god i hope someone messes up!

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Friday rant

I need to have a b*tchy moment, because I am supremely pissed off.

About a month ago I recieved an inheritance tax notice from my state. This pissed me off because they were taxing MY accounts al because my mother had helped me open the accounts 6 years before she passed away. So i have to pay the state my money because they believed that i inherited it from her. That in itself is bullshit to me.

I called, moaned, groaned and basically had a semi informative conversation with one of the agents at the head tax place across the state. I followed the directions, filled out 2 seperate checks, and mailed it out the day I recieved the noticed. Two of them. Two weeks later I received a receipt of payment.

A month later(today), I see the exact same letters in my mail.With INTREST. WTF is this? I call during a half hour break, and am put on hold for 15 minutes. Before the woman could demand accounts numbers and stuff I cut her off. I explained I had a simple question, provided her the "estate" name, and account number. I tell her my question. I payed this a month ago, I have a receipt as well as a copy of the two checks from my bank, showing them as cashed by the state. The woman pauses..clicks away. She then informs me that she had no record of payment made and puts me on hold for another 10 minutes. Finally she comes back. Apparently how these things go, I am suposed to recieve the first notice from a local office, I pay the local office and provide an extra copy of my forms to the local office. They get two copies If you are following me. I followed the rules, I did this. Well within the 30 day limit.

After they have cashed my checks, they are suposed to include a copy of my receipt, and one of my enclosed copies to be mailed out. This is suposed to be mailed out to the head office at the state capital. The state capital office is then suposed to issue a paid in full for my records. Apparently somewhere between recieving my receipt, and them mailing the proper forms to their mother ship, they forgot. Someone did not mail me forms until the first of this month.

The woman, (and I use this term loosely because she sounded like a gum chewing 18 year old) on the line informs me that because my payment was recieved late I would have to pay the late fee. HELL NO. I informed her that that was simply impossible, as I had copies of when the checks were recieved and cashed. Two days after the original letter was recieved, and two days after I had mailed my checks in. This was well within the alotted time frame. I demanded that this issue be fixed, or I would be speaking to the head supervisor. After another 5 minutes of typing she finally informed me that she could indeed see the dates recieved and I would not be help responsible afterall, as it was the mistake of our local tax offices.

So all in all, while i originally paid money I felt was taken incorrectly from me, I did not have to pay any additional fees. I suspect this was all a ploy to squeeze me for more money. Not happening.

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Tuesday

I am in a wierd funk and I can not get out.

Somehow I have gotten into a routine of going to bed...LATE(or early?) and waking up late. It is getting rediculous. I have no idea how it happened really. I was going to bed at a normal hour and waking up at a late, but acceptable time of 9:30. Suddenly I find myself going to bed at 4 am and waking at 12. What is this?!

Add to the funk, my total lack of motivation. It is beinging to feel like a chore just to get up and move areound for the day. I also have a messed up eating schedule. All through the day I am not hungry. I eat because I know I have to. Salads with raisans and almonds (yuuum), Homemade vinegarettes, fruit, reaaaaallll food. Come midnight and my stomach growls as if I have been starving myself. I just do not get it.

The other day I got this craving for a hambuger. I ran to the store, got some fixin's for a good burger, cooked it, set it up.....annnd... By the time I actually got said buger into my mouth, I no longer wanted it. To my great disappointment, I had spent time and energy on something and had already changed my mind.

Maybe I am going slowly insane? Who knows.

In an effort to be a girl, I did my hair and makeup today. By did my hair, I mean I ran some balm into my streess free locks. Curly hair is AWESOME. Add to that my new summer goddess makeup. The bronzer makes my skin crave sunlight. However, the outdoors is NOT workiing with me. Gloomy rainy cloudy days, and sunny windy cold days. It is literally impossible to enjoy a decent day outside.

I am listening to the madonna week of Glee. Yes, I am a HUGE Gleek.Loves it. I am a little stress that their is already of a Volume 3 already. The cd's will put my in the poor house haha. I kid.

Off to run a MILLION errands. Okay, 5, but they will take at least the next....4 hours. SIGH

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