Happy Days

I'm happy. That in itself should be enough said. Glen surprised us both by coming home before noon yesterday. Although I think I was more surprised because I was sitting around in my pj's, considering sorting wash when I heard the front door unlock. My first instinct was to take a look, if worse came to worse I would dive back into the bedroom, lock the door and wait for help. I was pleasantly surprised to see my baby standing there! He apparently had had a lot of stress at work that day, with the heart attack looming only a little over a month ago his bosses decided they could handle things for the day, they called in a stand in for the weekend so he wouldn't be on call. Knowing them though, they will make him work extra to make up for half a day.

But, happiness was what the day was about. In trying to allow him cool down time, we cuddled for a while until he was sound asleep. Baby needs more sleep, he doesn't get enough! He ended up sleeping close to two hours. We had lunch of fresh home made herb flat bread and salad. YUM! After allowing him a few more hours of relaxing we had a yummy dinner of Mexican stuffed peppers... all low fat and healthy of course. Black wild rice, lean meat, onions, chopped peppers, cumin, chili powder, cayenne pepper for a kick and a small dollop of sour cream to cream it up. Stuffed the peppers and baked them for a half hour. He even had a glass of wine. Spoiled man!

We got our small grocery shop done which was much less stress than normal. Thank god for a holiday next week! That's 2 days of meals we didn't have to plan or shop for! We have a weird mix of food this week, so it should be interesting!

My whole weekend does feel off though. It feels like Sunday and not Saturday! I like having the extra time AND having him only work 3 days next week too! As for now, we need to get a move on. Haircuts, small holiday shopping, and a few small errands are on the list today!

blog on :D

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Did I miss something?

This morning I woke up, turned the coffee maker on, booted the laptop and checked FB as per usual. What I saw shocked me. I see my 17 year old posted a picture of her new car. I say new because she previously owned a Nissan truck in a gorgeous silver. Tricked out. Now she ALSO owns a 2010 Camero my uncle bought for her. This is the same uncle who is always singing poverty, tight fisted with his cash, so tight that he drives a truck nearly as old as me. I'm 24, j2s.

So here I am, 24, fighting day to day to make it. Feeling a little sad because I move and suddenly when I need them the most, my family forgets my birthday. Apparently she gets a Camero, a MAC, and a wave runner. I could see if she was the sort of kid who helped out around the house, was generous to her family... had a job? No. She's 17, gets what she wants, is currently grounded because she was being irresponsible with her current car and she bad mouths her parents. I wish just once my aunt would read her Facebook and see what a total bitch she is. I'm so green with envy I feel like being a tattler. SIGH

The moral of this story is, find a decent balance while parenting. Love your kids but don't spoil them into thinking that they deserve to get everything handed to them.

wtfever. Can someone cut me a break? Spoil me just once?

blog the eff on.

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Ring me out..but feed me good

Another day, another dollar. I feel like all anyone wants is money money money. I haven't got any. Literally. Yesterday I spent the afternoon on the phone with Allstate. They had sent me a bill for an insane amount of money that mad absolutely no sense. After an hours of trying to work with someone who spoke English as a second language, I finally got through to the main mess up. Apparently when i transfered my insurance to FL someone made a booboo. I paid first and last month at the time of transfer. Low and behold, I was not suposed to pay this until now, a month later. So rather than make a notation of this, they tried to pretend like I had never paid it. The man on the phone mumbled something about the bill being sent out after the payment was made...I smell bull sh*t. He claims that the bill was sent out *after* I made my payment. Except, I made my payment before the date it says on the bill. So clearly someone just screwed up. At least I don't owe anything until Dec. 27th now!

Add to this my phone calls with hospital billing departments sending out bills for things i already paid for in full a month ago. Annoyance. Does no one do their jobs anymore?! Seriously, I feel like half the time I'm speaking with someone new or just stupid. Putting me on hold for a half hour or mumbling does not make me go away, it only makes me pissed off. As I battle the unemployment game I intend to know where every cent of my money is going. But those two examples are not even my worst...

Banking. Now let me get this straight. You pretty much can't live without a bank account because so many people take only plastic or checks or money orders. You now intend to *charge* me money to keep a bank account. Honestly if my bank from Pa was anywhere around here I wouldn't leave them. But they aren't, so I went to a new bank in the area... Let's call it... Regional..(ha) The woman I met was great, boasting about their bank procedures, free checking, blah blah blah. I sign up, drop my last check in their bank and I feel pretty good about myself. Then right after I sign on the dotted line she turns and says "Now remember to keep this checking account free you must keep a minimum of $500 or 12 transactions." EXCUSE ME. Then she goes on to explain how if i don't they charge anywhere from 5-25 for the account a month. WTF. SO now I frantically look for another bank. The other 2 closest banks... lets call them Bank of Americus and Chase-aftaya both do the same thing. I think I may have to jump on the Wachovia band wagon and hope for the best.

I might just open a Chase account because it offers me 150 to open it... money is money.


In more happy news I made an excellent dinner last night. I so love the combinations of weird foods that turn out amazingly delicious.Drum roll please......

Cranberry Chicken Enchiladas....

I varied from the recipe a bit to make it a little less fattening/sodium containing

2 chicken breasts
1 can whole cranberry sauce
1 cup mexican blend cheese
taco sauce
8 low sodium low carb tortillas
3 tbsp fat free sour cream
1 cup black beans
1 green pepper chopped
1 onion chopped
cumin to taste
chili powder to taste
1 large baking pan
1 large bowl
tin foil

As I use fresh beans I soaked them over night. I precooked my chicken in the morning by adding a quarter can on cranberry sauce, water, cumin, chili powder and chicken breasts to my crock pot. Cooking it on high for 2 hours and low for an additional 3 made them extremely tender. I pulled the chicken out and shredded it with a fork setting it on the side until I needed it again. The remaining juices I put in a separate container.At the same time I added the beans and roughly 5 cups of water to a large pot and simmered them for 2 hours.

Next, an hour before you plan on eating you preheat the oven to 350 then take your chicken, 2 Tbsp sour cream, a few dashes of taco sauce, half the remaining cranberry sauce, green peppers, onions, 1/2 cup cheese and mix it together in a large bowl. Take out your tortillas , placing a heaping table spoon of the mixture onto one end of the shell, roll tightly from the filled end to the empty end to seal in the mixture. Place rolled tortillas seam side down in your large baking dish.Continue until you have rolled all 8 tortillas.

Now take the remaining cranberry sauce, 1 Tbsp of sour cream and a dash of taco sauce. Mix this together in a small bowl and spread the mixture on top to the rolled tortillas. Cover with tinfoil and bake for 45 minutes. Pull the pan out and carefully remove the tin foil. Sprinkle the remaining cheese on top and bake an additional 5-10 minutes or until fully melted.
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Honestly the combination grossed me out at first and ended up being fantastic. The sweetness added with the zing of taco sauce was fantastic. The original recipe called for turkey, salsa and corn tortillas. For us we got low sodium low carb tortillas. The best we have found in our area is La Banderita. Chichi's and all those other brands have nearly double what these have in regards to the bad stuff! 1g fat, 200mg sodium, 23g fiber. I still don't love the numbers and would be open for suggestions. We used taco bell taco seasoning which is about 40 mg sodium.

Hope you enjoy. Blog on :)

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Waste my time.

Seriously. Our apartment complex made a big deal about there being a safety inspection this week.They went around and posted notices letting us know they would be here from 7am-5pm ish. and would need someone to let them in. G and I spent the night cleaning up because we were unsure how invasive they would be.

I woke up early and did a final run through this morning. I waited...and waited. Waited some more. Finally, about 10 minutes ago there was a knock on the door. Two men from the inspection company. The older gentleman walks into my living room holding a clipboard. He turns to the other man and asks how many bedrooms. one. Large or small? Large sized. Then he turns to me, thanks me for my time and they leave!

That was it. I kid you not. They made a huge deal out of a 2 minutes intrusion. 2 minutes that caused me to wake up early. Stress about the large pile of laundry I have yet to start. I'm sincerely annoyed.

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Yes Dear

Recently I have found myself doing a lot of "Note to Self" and "Dear..."

Maybe I should just change the name of this blog to Yes, Dear.. haha

This is pretty much my thought process today:

Wake up:

Note to Self: remember to remove eyeliner before bed. You look like a racoon.
Dear Keurig, please make my coffee extra hot.

Cleaning the kitchen:

Dear garbage disposal, You smell. I need to dump some lemon rinds down you soon! wtf is that stank!?

Dear kitchen, how do you get so messy in one simple day?!

Dear dishwasher, why is it you suddenly start to fail. what am i doing wrong?!

dear maintenance crew, you said a WEEK. Today marks a week since you were last here and we sure as hell know you aren't going to show up over the weekend... So when exactly are you going to fix my oven?! One can not live on a heart heathly diet out of a toaster oven alone..

Note to self: buy sponges STAT

Shower:

note to self: razors. just... razors

Sitting around planning my day:

Dear neighbors, we've already been over you fail on halloween decor... thank you for finally removing your mushy pumpkins.

dear neighbors... have you had your baby yet?!

Dear mr squirrel picking at my mint plant. GET AWAY!

note to self, vacuum

SO yea... thats pretty much the notes that go through my head all day. half of them i forget anyways haha

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My life today.

So after that last post, I am feeling a bit better. This new healthy lifestyle is taking time to get used to.

Today:

Breakfast: 1 protein shake (banana, protein powder,fat free plain yogurt 2 tbsp, 4 ice cubes and a splash of calcium rich orange juice.)

Snack: 2 pieces of home made unseasoned beef jerky. 10 almonds.

lunch: will most likely consist of spinach salad. yumm

dinner: acorn squash or spaghetti squash. depending on my mood

I need to cut up some of the 3.5 lbs of top sirloin that we bought this weekend. it made awesome jerky this time around!!

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10.9.2010-A past day reference.

So, Saturday on the date stated above, my fiance had a heart attack. He is only36. It turned out after a morning of running around and finally realizing we needed to get to a hospital, that he had a 90% blockage in his left anterior descending artery, known fondly as part of the "Widow Maker". He could have died. Since then, they put in one stent, then had to replace the first one because it was not fully extended. I have spent 12+ days sitting bedside until they sent him home yesterday.

Yesterday was stressful and only added to the growing tension I have been feeling. After dealing with Doctors and nurses that would not tell me anything I was left terrified that if something happened again, because we are not married or blood they would just leave me there. Add to this I have become a horrible person.

I know that he was very sick. I know it was him and not me. And yet I can not help feeling a little pissed off at everyone in general. It seems that suddenly these people are popping up at of the wood work. No one called before, no one checked in, And suddenly I have all these people around pretending they give a shit, pretending that they are the ones who saved him, they are the ones who sat bedside, slept in horrible chairs while he recovered. Thats me. Just because they showed up once, for one day and talked about themselves the whole time, does not mean they suddenly give a crap. It pisses me off to see myself dismissed like that, or to see that fake caring they throw at him. I can't help but feel jealous, which i know is rediculous and I am being as bad as they are by making it about me. But aside from actually having the heart attack, it IS about me too. I'm the one who he is going to marry. I am the one that all the responsibility gets piled on later, and the one who would get blamed if something went wrong. I have to spend the rest of our lives (god willing) watching this.Worrying.

On the flip side of that, my anger is extended towards him as well. I thought after my mother passed on, that i was free. It sounds horrible but after 12 years of illness, 5 of those spent in my care, I was finally able to live my life without worrying about how to fit someone else's issues in my basket. I'm tired. I need a break and from one I get the other. God knows I love him, god knows I will stand by him no matter what..It's just...frustrating.

I'm going to go off and finish my egg whites omelet now.... and continue being a bad person. yup...

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Wow..

So the biggest differences between PA and FL stand:

In PA fall means yellowing leaves and the smell of campfires.
In FL fall means it's finally cool enough to walk outside and not fully melt. Oct 3.86 degrees. HA

In PA if you find a bug wanders into your house...chances are it is no larger than your thumb nail. It will probably be a gnat, assorted spider or annoying bug.

In FL if you find a bug chances are it is bigger than your entire thumb. Imagine sitting on the potty looking down and seeing a large bug on the floor. FREAK.. now imagine after a night out with friends you stumble into the bathroom, do your business and then go to wash the hands... there is a GIANT mother effin roach bigger than your thumb crawling past your tooth brush holder... MAJOR FREAK.

FL, please feel free to save your giant bugs for only when G is home. I can not handle the largeness.

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Blah

I am so bored lately. I find myself sitting around. wandering the small apartment as if something exciting will happen. I have become boring. Nothing excites me the way it used to. My computer holds my interest only if and when my fav bloggers have graced the web with a new post that is interesting. Even then it doesn't always entertain me now. I used to play games for hours. Literally. I would wake up, game, eat, game, insert daily life things, game.

Now I don;t even want to play. I have closed down all but one or two of my accounts. Even REAL LIFE is a bore. We went to the movies today and I found myself unable to do something as simple as recalling facts from the book the movie was based on. What is wrong with me>?!?!?! I make these plans, get up and get dressed every day only to disappoint myself. I sit at home until he gets here and sometimes we go out. Usually out means getting to thew laundry until we get out washer and dryer, or going to: the book store, the grocery store, the other book store, walmart, target or old navy. Then we go home. Once a week we go out to eat. Glen drinks a beer or two and we go home. We sit on the couch in silence watching tv and or reading a book. Or we do what we are doing at this moment. We sit at our desks, his in the living room, mine in the bedroom and type. Lord knows what he does, I sit here and type, or surf the web in hopes of new excitement. Not likely.

I'm not unhappy with HIM, I'm more unhappy with me. I feel unmotivated, fat, lazy and depressed. I can't seem to get the job, the school anything. Fuck.

Anywho. Excuse my pity party tonight. I'm a little down with the weather. I had a fun day planned. We would take a drive to one of the state parks, hop on a ferry and go to some gorgeous beach area. We might swim, or just hangout. I thought the outdoorsy thing would be fun. I planned a picnic. Subs, macaroni and potato salad. Yum. Frozen bottles of water and juice to take the edge off the heat. I even bought a new swim suit. And we woke up to pouring rain. Every day it's upper 90's and sunny enough to be too hot. The ONE time I plan to do something. Plan. I mean PLAN. It rains. It rained all day, until after 5 when it was too late to catch a ferry or enjoy the picnic. We went to a movie and ate out picnic food at home on the couch. Because we don;t have a table yet. HA. Maybe tomorrow will hold something interesting.

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Things I've Learned..

Since my move:

1. Shower Curtains: After 15 years of having shower doors I have lost the ability to understand shower curtains. The repeated air billowing that causes my curtains to puff up drives me insane. Different Heights, Different sizes... does not matter. After a week of repeated 'Psycho' movie references I am almost willing to pay for doors.

2. STUFF: Just because I don't have a lot of stuff, does not mean he doesn't. I MOVED with all my things including most of the kitchen stuff, in my one car. His stuff took 4 car trips, multiple boxes and half of my living room floor at the moment.

3. Human interaction: NEED. A week at home is driving me mad. My only human interaction consists of the creepy old man at the laundry, a talkative neighbor who chain smokes and G. I find myself wandering around the stoop in hopes someone will stop and talk to me. I consider going to the grocery store just to be near someone. I leave the tv on all day to hear noise.

4. Food Prep: Getting used to a new kitchen lay out is hard. Getting used to cooking all the meals is harder. Aside from a lunch or two G has cooked I do it all. I find myself skipping breakfast because I can not stand to be in the kitchen.

4.5. Weight Gain: With the cooking falling on me and the limited food budget I have to get crafty. G who could live on steak and potatoes swears I am making him fat. However having a limited food supply added to a picky eater,makes for complicated meal planning. I try to add things to the list as needed, and we sit down to make a meal plan for the week (which makes a shopping list easier!) He has yet to complain about the food. It is only after when his pants are tight that he complains. UGH.

5. Age: I find the age card dropped a lot. I feel like we got shoved into the old people section of our neighborhood. I have seen a ton of younger folks on the other side of the complex, however, our side seems to be inhabited by 45+

6. Decorating: We have similar tastes which is good. We both enjoy being crafty and agree that making decorations would be fun and cheaper. We also seem to lack focus, a work station, or a concrete idea of what we want. Bits and pieces are all around but have no focus.

7. Our Wedding: For whatever reason my 'girl switch' seems to have been flipped. During boring moments I have acquired a hefty amount of DIY wedding ideas, bridal dress sites. and OMG. there is so much. I wish i had help with this...

8. BUGS: Nuf said.

9. My hippie ways: For some reason I find myself abhorring bra's. I have worn a bra all of 7-8 times in the past 3 weeks. WTF is that?! I crave flowing fabric, dark colors, and sandals. I hate jeans, tight items, and confining bra's. I also seem to be letting my hair flow free. Less tight pony tails. I have not touched a brush, blow dryer or straightener in months. WOW.


I am SURE there is more, but my poor head is lost.

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The I Hates Have It

Goin along in my copycat fashion I have noticed a large amount of I hate videos. The gist of it is just a person venting their peeves. I hate this or I hate that. No bashing. Just Hating. Since I am currently sitting here looking rather unfashionable I decided to make a list. I seem to like lists! So here goes!!

I HATE:
1. People who come from good upstanding homes but insist on speaking "ghetto". I am not a dawg, boo, bitch, or gangsta. Frankly.. neither are you. You are not K-fed.

2. How every girl who happens to be skinny thinks they can be a model.

3. People who post half naked pictures on Facebook.

4. Finishing a book only to realize the next book in the series doesn't come out until next year.

5. People who take online games so seriously.

6. People who don't use their turn signals

7. Driving in traffic.

8. Family who thinks finishing college is as easy as telling me to. If you want to pay for it, FINE.

9. When a brand new lightbulb blows for no reason.

10. That gay couples are not given the same rights as EVERYONE else.

11. That we live in a world where most people are so poor they can't afford to feed their children, yet othersare so rich they never know what hard times are.

12. Judge Judy. She just annoys me to death.

13. That clothing stores only sell things up to a 'fashionable' size. As far as I am concerned, that is just another way to discriminate.

14. Standing in line.

15. Paying full price for an item, only to have it go on sale the next day.

16. Having a show cut halfway through the season.

17. Being corrected, even if I am wrong.

18. When you text, call, email, voicemail or whatever someone and they don't reply until it's too late.

19. Notes. If you are going to be sitting right in the next room do not tape a not to my wall, door, window, or mirror. Supose I don't go in that room that day, or don't see said note, or said note falls off. What then?!

20. Bugs. I just can't.

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A Note to My 17 Year old Self..

It's been a while. With all the changes(and a funny blog i read) I decided to write a message from current me to my 17 yr old self.

1. You are fine the way you are. Stop trying so hard to 'fit in'.

2. Bragging about your 'sexual' life does NOT make you cool, only desperate.

3. Your body is perfect you YOU. You were never meant to be super thin.

4. You will miss that old convertible you have. Drive it as often as you can before someone hits you and you can't anymore!

5. Your friends are not your whole life. Get to know your family better. In later years it will be them who you turn to for comfort and laughs not those girls you worshiped.

6. Missing a friendly outting is OKAY. You do not need to be present for every single coffee or random drive.

7. Pay more attention in school.Those good grades you've gotten are not an accurate guage of how much you have learned, but how easy your schools testing skills were. Later on you will wish your parents had sent you to a private school.

8. Stop trying so hard to meet a man. Just because other girls are serial dating does not mean you have to. You WILL meet someone amazing.

9. Really start deciding what you want out of life. What are your goals, your skills. Soon you will lose your way and wish you had looked more at those things than what you could fall back on.

10. You will feel a lot of regrets for stupid actions of your youth. It's ok, we learn from our mistakes.

11. Ask for the Vera Bradley purse. You will still have it to this day. It has a lot of memories and looks like a rag, but you will love it regardless.

12. Be nice, but do not get to be close friends with your friends boyfriends. However innocent you are things WILL get twisted around and you will be caught in a jealousy battle.

13. Your are beautiful without all that makeup. However, unless you wear at least some, people will always think you are too young.

14. Your parents are right. About most important things anyway.

15. Stop dressing like a bum. Sweatshirts, t-shirts with sayings and jeans are not fashionable and make you look lazy.

16. Wear better shoes. Your body will love you for it later. Flip flops and smelly sneakers are not all year wear. Buy a pair of heels.

17. You can not eat the large portions your thing friends eat. They wont gain the weight like you will. Eat what you like in moderation.

18. Stay active. It's easy to sit around doing nothing...but it catches up.

19. Those bad habits your friends are getting you into. Quit now.

20. Spend more time with your mom. You will only have her a few more years...

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Since No One Reads This..

I can tell my new secret...

I..am..engaged.

I am still trying to wrap my little brain around this. There was surprise, one knee, a ring, a little speech that I pretty much missed because I was too busy staring in shock. I don't know where the shock came from. It's not like I did not know to expect it. Just.... not now.

We have spoken about it, probably for months. We pretty much have our 'wedding' planned out because neither of us want a big affair; I hate the attention and this is G's second marraige.

Married. Holy shhhh.. I really am a little freaked out. I know he wanted to talk to my Dad before hand, but being as this weekend was jammed, and any time we weren;t surrounded by family, he was sleeping...the talk didnt happen.

You can blame me. We have a bit of a long time 'joke', if you will. Involving what I call shinies. G does a great job with jewelry, and it is almost always something with some sort of shiny stone. thus... shinies. I had gotten my dander up and had spent the past few weeks joking about shinies. Then just before the wedding weekend, he had been excited with his savings of recent. I had told him he could buy me a pretty, fun gift...I was expecting something like silly jammies or a candy necklace. More jokes. The night of the ring, I was being a nag. I wanted to know what was my present?! Had be brought me sand from the beach? whhhaaat. Eventually he dropped to the knee.

I don;t know if my dad is happy or not. He seemed confused. As if I did not know that a diamond ring generally leads to a wedding band and all of that. Did he think he raised a fool. I know I am his baby, but in fact I am OLDER than my sister was when she was married. And it's not like I plan to go out and get married next week.

G spilled the beans to my sisters. I really did not want to tell anyone until after the wedding weekend. I didn't want to steal the spotlight from the bride and groom. Instead I was ambushed in the bathroom by them. I tried to make it clear I was not wearing a ring because I have fatty fingers and needed it sized. I was not telling them first, because i wanted to wait a few days. My dad hasnt mentioned it since. I guess he is waiting for G to hop on a plane back to work before he corners me. I have to say, I am NOT looking forward. He has a way of stewing, cornering and totally overlooking the facts. He sees: I am youngish, I havent been spouting love letters and wedding talk (with HIM) and I am SURE he has a million opinions. At least my sisters seemed happy.

It bums me that he might rain on my parade; I have not even told anyone yet because I wanted him to be first. It bums me out that he knows it will be hard enough without my mom, let alone having him be displeased for reasons that don;t make sense. It bums me out to see the looks of pleasure on his face when my sister's told him. Neither if THEIR men even bothered to talk things over with him. At least G wanted to try, he made the effort and still insisted on telling him face to face man to man, before anyone else.

So. EEEEK

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Dancing Queen

I have always been a wierd sleeper.

As a child I could sleep anywhere anytime if I was tired. Regardless of the tempeture, cushioning and sounds around me. A specific example of this being about 9 yrs old at my dad's friend's house while they watched a big pay per view boxing match. I feel asleep infront of a big screen tv, surround sound and about 15 yelling men. Did not even phase me.

As I got a little older sleeping became harder. I would lay around for hours not sleeping but once I hit tht sleep mode nothing could wake me up. 15 years old, mini tornado tour of the steeple of a church less than 1 mile from my home. My parents actually packed up and moved into the basement and left me because I would not wake up.

Now, I hardly sleep. There are nights I don't even start to feel tired until 4 or 5 in the morning. my doctor tried sleep tests and sleeping pills. He recvently convinced me that I should take the sample he had with 2 in it.

I took one tonight and i feel like I am losing it. my concentration is out the door. But I am still not tired. juist extremely wierd. It is hard to explain except it feels like all the cellls in my body are dancing , while myself as a whole is swimming throuigh thickened air.

I think i wont take these again. good night.

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Ho Hum

Nothing out of the ordinary today. Well that's not really true is it? I slept till 1pm today, which was... different. I also cheated on the eating healthy. I found this amazing smelling garlic herb roll. I added a teaspoon of riccotta cheese and sprinkle of garlic, oregano and mozarella to each. Popped it in the toaster. Yummmmms.

Other than that I just relaxed all day and mooned over the obviously rain-ready weather. Why is it the days I am most busy are ther days it is most nice out. I really would love to sit in the sun.

So, today I am boring. Doing laundry and chatting with G <3

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Fridayness

I am trying really hard to eat healthier. It might be too little too late for my weight. But, I am still trying. For lunch today I had a small salad with a light vinegar dressing I make at home:

-Balsamic vinegar
-SMALL drop of fat free peanut butter
-small amount of extra virgin olive oil.

Whisk and adjust to taste. If you like a bitter sweet dressing, skip the peanut butter and add a half a packet of splenda, or your prefered sweetener.

I also took a small chicken breast. I sliced it thinly, and steamed it. No butter, no seasonings. I then added a quater of that to my salad. As a treat for myself I gave myself 5 baby carrot sticks and a table spoon of a spinach dip I made a few days ago. The spinach dip isnt really great for you but it's a little something to keep me from feeling like i am being deprived!

-2 cups chopped spanish;washed and drained.
-1/2 cup fat free mayo
-16 oz of fat free sour cream
-1 package of nors vegetable dip

Generally this is an appetizer served in a hollowed out bread bowl. Then one would fan out veggies, and bagel chips to dip with. However if u just make the dip, you will have a TON. If it is just you eating it, I find making half of that recipe is good. You will stil have PLENTY of dip, enough to last at least a week.

To drink i substituted my normal green tea for an acai and pomegranate juice I bought at the health store yesterday. It is a bit sweet for my taste. I poured half a serving into a glass with 8 oz of water as well. It diluted it enough to make it a refreshing juice drink. I only bought a small bottle which has 11.5 oz, 2 servings. So only use a quater of that bottle!

I feel a lot better which is good. And as much as my body is craving salty, chocolate-y goodness. I am not giving in as baddly as I would in the past. I found a bad of left over chocolates and am allowing myself one every other day.

While I am feeling better, my period if throwing me for a loop. I supose it is all those months of not having one! Spring cleaning , haha. I went to the mall yesterday wearing the normal tampon and pad for backup. I came armed with 2 other tampons 'just in case'. I spent a total of 3 hours shopping between the mall and a few random shops, plus groceries. I went through everything I had. Thank god for the pad! I ended up buying heavier duty everythings becasue I got nervous. By the time I got home I was tired, achey and the excessive bleeding was finally stopping. I have NEVER had it that baddly before. I was a little scared. It seemed to be better this morning. So, fingers crossed!

Happy Weekend Lovelies. One week and counting until my baby is home and my cousins weekend wedding!!

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Wednesday

Well, after nearly 4 months of no period. I finally got it.

I am usually late/never get it for months. My longest was 6 months.

I took a pregnancy test after my second skipped period because I had a lot of wierdness going on. Weight gain, even with eating less and exercising more, breast swelled a little. I was cranky, tired and my stomach always felt sour. I thought... I don't know, Maybe?

I want to me a mom, and I know with some medical issues, that it would be hard. I thought with everything going on it could be stress, or a flair of PCOS, which would be sad and sucky. Saddly I think it was the latter.

Glen and I have talked about kids. Given our age difference, we both agree that we don't want to end up like my parents. While my mom was 30 when she had me, my dad was 42. By the time I was graduating highschool and ready to see the world, he was getting ready to retire.

Obviously we both agree that we would prefer to be married and settled before we have kids, if it happened, neither of us would look upon it as a bad thing. I think in the back of my mind, with my sister losing her 7 yr old, then both sisters having miscarried a few times,and losing mom... I guess I kind of hoped for a bit of a shining light. Oh well.

I am bleeding really heavy today, which is ok I guess. I just feel crampy and tired. It also explains my wild mood swings the past few weeks.I have to wear a pad because I am bleeding right through the tampons during the heaviest times. It is pretty gross. I feel kinda sad though. It is hard to explain. I mean, I knew I was not pregnant after I took my little pee stick test, But still.

Anyway, In lighter news, Scott and Nicole are getting married next week. I a super excited. I am also strongly ignoring the fact that I will have to stand up infront of all my friends and family and READ. It makes me nervous to my core. I have issues standing up in front of people I won;t care if they judge me. But this... this is scary. Being the first reader I set the low bar for everyone to jump over, god i hope someone messes up!

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Friday rant

I need to have a b*tchy moment, because I am supremely pissed off.

About a month ago I recieved an inheritance tax notice from my state. This pissed me off because they were taxing MY accounts al because my mother had helped me open the accounts 6 years before she passed away. So i have to pay the state my money because they believed that i inherited it from her. That in itself is bullshit to me.

I called, moaned, groaned and basically had a semi informative conversation with one of the agents at the head tax place across the state. I followed the directions, filled out 2 seperate checks, and mailed it out the day I recieved the noticed. Two of them. Two weeks later I received a receipt of payment.

A month later(today), I see the exact same letters in my mail.With INTREST. WTF is this? I call during a half hour break, and am put on hold for 15 minutes. Before the woman could demand accounts numbers and stuff I cut her off. I explained I had a simple question, provided her the "estate" name, and account number. I tell her my question. I payed this a month ago, I have a receipt as well as a copy of the two checks from my bank, showing them as cashed by the state. The woman pauses..clicks away. She then informs me that she had no record of payment made and puts me on hold for another 10 minutes. Finally she comes back. Apparently how these things go, I am suposed to recieve the first notice from a local office, I pay the local office and provide an extra copy of my forms to the local office. They get two copies If you are following me. I followed the rules, I did this. Well within the 30 day limit.

After they have cashed my checks, they are suposed to include a copy of my receipt, and one of my enclosed copies to be mailed out. This is suposed to be mailed out to the head office at the state capital. The state capital office is then suposed to issue a paid in full for my records. Apparently somewhere between recieving my receipt, and them mailing the proper forms to their mother ship, they forgot. Someone did not mail me forms until the first of this month.

The woman, (and I use this term loosely because she sounded like a gum chewing 18 year old) on the line informs me that because my payment was recieved late I would have to pay the late fee. HELL NO. I informed her that that was simply impossible, as I had copies of when the checks were recieved and cashed. Two days after the original letter was recieved, and two days after I had mailed my checks in. This was well within the alotted time frame. I demanded that this issue be fixed, or I would be speaking to the head supervisor. After another 5 minutes of typing she finally informed me that she could indeed see the dates recieved and I would not be help responsible afterall, as it was the mistake of our local tax offices.

So all in all, while i originally paid money I felt was taken incorrectly from me, I did not have to pay any additional fees. I suspect this was all a ploy to squeeze me for more money. Not happening.

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Tuesday

I am in a wierd funk and I can not get out.

Somehow I have gotten into a routine of going to bed...LATE(or early?) and waking up late. It is getting rediculous. I have no idea how it happened really. I was going to bed at a normal hour and waking up at a late, but acceptable time of 9:30. Suddenly I find myself going to bed at 4 am and waking at 12. What is this?!

Add to the funk, my total lack of motivation. It is beinging to feel like a chore just to get up and move areound for the day. I also have a messed up eating schedule. All through the day I am not hungry. I eat because I know I have to. Salads with raisans and almonds (yuuum), Homemade vinegarettes, fruit, reaaaaallll food. Come midnight and my stomach growls as if I have been starving myself. I just do not get it.

The other day I got this craving for a hambuger. I ran to the store, got some fixin's for a good burger, cooked it, set it up.....annnd... By the time I actually got said buger into my mouth, I no longer wanted it. To my great disappointment, I had spent time and energy on something and had already changed my mind.

Maybe I am going slowly insane? Who knows.

In an effort to be a girl, I did my hair and makeup today. By did my hair, I mean I ran some balm into my streess free locks. Curly hair is AWESOME. Add to that my new summer goddess makeup. The bronzer makes my skin crave sunlight. However, the outdoors is NOT workiing with me. Gloomy rainy cloudy days, and sunny windy cold days. It is literally impossible to enjoy a decent day outside.

I am listening to the madonna week of Glee. Yes, I am a HUGE Gleek.Loves it. I am a little stress that their is already of a Volume 3 already. The cd's will put my in the poor house haha. I kid.

Off to run a MILLION errands. Okay, 5, but they will take at least the next....4 hours. SIGH

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You make me wanna say

What happened to real music.

Maybe I have a different sense of 'real' music than most people my age. I saw a Facebook post saying "wow, Usher's OMG is PERFECTION' so naturally I felt compeled to search it down and listen. It is not perfection! I loved Usher. I spent my hard earned money to see him in concert and I will admit i even joined in a rushing of the stage. That was back when he spent more time dancing and singing then fiddling with his voice changers and crying about his baby-mama's.

Gone is the days of crooners and true vocal abilities. In are the days of sythesized music and fakeness. I remember as a kid my mom gave me one of those microphones that echoed your voice and made you sound all fake voiced. Apparently this handy dandy childs toy is the inspiration for today's music.

I really do not care to listen to what sounds like someone making a fake voice on the computer. Give me a real singing voice, with real lyrics instead of repeating the same 1-2 lines OVER and over. Really. Please? Are my 23 year old ears that oldfashioned that I can not handle this pathetic attempt at 'music'?

I do not claim to have ANY vocal abilities, but that does not mean I am tone deaf and so dumb I will believe the robot voice really comes from you. It doesn't.

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